When someone is near the end of life — especially in a hospital, hospice, or battling a serious illness — their body undergoes major changes :
- Weakened immune system
- Buildup of bacteria and viruses in the lungs and mouth
- Presence of antibiotic-resistant infections (like MRSA, C. diff, or pneumonia)
Even if the person looks peaceful, their saliva and respiratory droplets can carry harmful pathogens .
🚨 The Real Risk: You Could Catch a Life-Threatening Infection
Dr. Chen explains:
“Many terminally ill patients have aspiration pneumonia , sepsis , or respiratory infections . When you kiss them, you’re exposed to those germs — and if you’re elderly, immunocompromised, or have underlying conditions, you could end up in the ICU too. ”
She’s seen it happen:
- A daughter kissed her dying father and developed severe pneumonia
- A granddaughter caught MRSA from her grandmother’s final embrace
- A husband contracted C. diff after close contact and was hospitalized for weeks
“They just wanted to say goodbye,” Dr. Chen says. “But love doesn’t make you immune.”
💬 What This Doesn’t Mean
Dr. Chen is not saying:
❌ “Don’t be with your loved one”
❌ “Don’t hold their hand or speak to them”
❌ “Don’t show affection”
She’s not asking families to withdraw love — she’s asking them to protect their own health while doing so.
“You can still be present. You can still say ‘I love you.’ You just don’t need to kiss them to prove it.”
✅ Safer Ways to Say Goodbye
You can honor your loved one without risking your health . Here’s how:
1. Hold Their Hand
- Skin-to-skin contact is comforting and safe
- Wear gloves if you’re concerned or immunocompromised
2. Speak Softly
- Tell them you love them
- Share memories, songs, or prayers
- Your voice brings comfort — no physical contact needed
3. Place a Hand on Their Shoulder or Forehead
- Gentle touch conveys love and presence
- Avoid the face and mouth area
4. Use a Cloth Barrier
- If you must lean in, place a clean tissue or cloth between your face and theirs
- Not a guarantee, but reduces direct exposure
5. Wait Until After Passing (If Safe)
- Once a person has died, most pathogens begin to die off
- Many families find peace in a final kiss after death , once infection risk is minimal
When Is It Relatively Safe?
Kissing may be lower risk in home hospice settings with:
- No active infections
- No antibiotic-resistant bacteria
- A healthy, younger family member saying goodbye
But even then, doctors urge caution — because you often don’t know what’s in their system until it’s too late.
The Bigger Message: Love Doesn’t Have to Mean Risk
Dr. Chen’s viral video isn’t about fear — it’s about awareness .
“We see families break down when a healthy daughter ends up in the ICU because she kissed her mom goodbye. That shouldn’t be the ending.”
She urges people to:
✅ Ask the medical team about infection risks
✅ Wear masks and practice hand hygiene
✅ Say goodbye with your words, your presence, and your heart — not just your lips
Final Thoughts
The final moments with a loved one are sacred.
But as Dr. Chen reminds us:
“You can’t care for anyone — living or dead — if you’re sick yourself.”
So while the instinct to kiss a dying person comes from love, true love also means protecting yourself — so you can live to honor their memory .
Because the best way to say goodbye…
is to survive the goodbye .
